At one point or another, we’ve all had a phobia. When becoming a Mama though, nothing can be more frustrating than when our child develops of phobia of something that is irrational or inconvenient. I’ve frequently consulted with Mamas where they come to me with an irrational phobia that has popped up in their child’s life. Sometimes it pops up out of nowhere, other times you can narrow it down to a specific event that occurred. Ultimately, there is something that has occurred that now causes your child to be afraid. There are the common phobias such as being alone, the dark, and going to new places. Other times, phobias can appear random and odd. Some of the common phobias I consult with in this category include: hand dryers in public restrooms, automatically flushing toilets, and dirty hands. Yes, hygiene becomes quite the issue!
So, what is a Mama to do? I’m sure you’ve heard many different answers on this one. Do you “throw them in the deep end” and they will rise to the top? Do you wait them out and they will be ready on their own terms? The answer is complicated, as it really depends on your answer to a couple of questions
1. How intense is their reaction when they come into contact with their phobia?
2. How long has the phobia occurred and/or how old is the child?
3. How significantly is it impacting their life?
When answering these questions, if you suspect there might be a problem, I’d encourage you to reach out for help. Addressing growing phobias are significantly more effective when treated early. The longer you wait, the longer the road to recovery. You can go to my Parent Consulting tab and chat with me for an hour session to learn more. However, if you answer these questions and think it’s just an emerging problem, there is great hope to be found in the research!
A study was completed that included 44 children who were between 7-14 years old. They had them face a specific phobia they had, once with their parent present and once alone. I’m sure you can predict the results. When asked to complete the steps surrounding the phobia, the children completed a higher percentage of steps with a parent present (58%) versus alone (36%). What was the difference? Upon further examination they found it wasn’t just the parent being present, there was a strong correlation between the warmth the parent displayed towards the child as well. Parents that shared comments such as: “Try your best,” “Let me help you,” “Watch me first,” “It won’t be as bad as you think,” and “I know you can do it” were commonly linked to the child engaging in the phobia’s steps. When interviewed later, they also reported less anxiety than children whose parents engaged in comments that were overly critical or aloof.
The take away here is that phobias are often common – especially in young children. As they grow, continue to monitor them to ensure they are getting better and not worse. Also, begin to notice the way they respond when faced with a phobia. If they become completely irrational, engage in self-harm, or lose all self-control – it may be time to consult with a professional. Most of the time, some good-old-fashioned warmth, encouragement, and cuddles from Mama go a long way!
Ollendick, T. H., et al. “Prediction of Child Performance on a Parent-Child Behavioral Approach Test with Animal Phobic Children.” Behavior Modification, vol. 36, no. 4, 2012, pp. 509–524., https://doi.org/10.1177/0145445512448191.