The dreaded temper tantrum. We’ve all been there. I mean, it always seems to happen in the worst possible place at the worst possible time, and you are left googling on your phone desperately for an answer to ensure it never happens again.
Well, I have both good and bad news for you. I’ll give you the bad news first. Unfortunately, this is just part of development, and temper tantrums are bound to happen. Even the best-behaved child will have their fair share of tantrums. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s good news in a way too. It’s good in the fact that you can know that it’s not you. There is nothing wrong with your parenting if your child has a meltdown.
So, onto the real good news. There is a formula on how to respond which will prevent the frequency of the tantrums in the future. It is true that all children will have temper tantrums. It’s also true though that the way we respond to the tantrum will determine how frequently they occur. So, pull out your pencils Mamas, and write down this word.
HOW?
I love acronyms. I really do. If you need an English refresh, an acronym is a word in which each letter stands for another word. I like to use acronyms because it’s extremely helpful to remember things in sticky and stressful situations, like, hm, oh yes – in a temper tantrum. So next time think, HOW do I stop this?
Help
Offering help is the very first step of the equation. I mentor parents to use the question, “What do you need?” If they make a request, you can respond with saying something such as, “Thank you for telling me, now I can (fill in the blank) This shows them that their words have power and that next time, it’s much easier to just communicate by asking for help. Sometimes when we ask them what they need, they may just continue on with the fit. Mama, it’s time to move on to the next step…
Order
If they do not know what is going to stop the tantrum and self-regulate themselves then we are going to order them to do an action that we can think of for them. When I say order, this simply means a command – we are not using an angry tone. A secret insider trick here is to order them to do something that they cannot do the same time as the behavior itself. Some of my favorites include: let’s whistle, sit down, fold your hands, say pickles, etc. This step will see if they are ready to direct their attention your way and be compliant. If this doesn’t work, then Mama it’s time to move to the next step which is …
Wait
Is it okay to do an acronym inside of another acronym? Let’s just go with it because my favorite way to remember what waiting is for Mamas is to ask ourselves Why Am I Talking? I know it hurts our Mama hearts, but there is absolutely no talking allowed in this step. I know you’re asking me, how are they are going to stop if I can’t talk to them? Trust me on this one. Your silence will get their attention. If not, stop talking and act busy with something else – they’ll stop.
So Mamas, that is how you are to stop the tantrum. When they begin to calm down, you move through the steps backwards. You order them to do something, and once they comply you talk about how you could help them. As long as they are appropriate, you can then meet the need, or talk about how you can meet the need in the future. It’s a simple formula that works in so many scenarios.
Next time you get into a jam, ask HOW will I stop this tantrum! If tantrums are happening frequently, they are intense, or this formula doesn’t seem to be working for your child – jump over to my parent consulting tab and reach out. I live and breathe tantrums solving, and I can definitely help give you an individualized plan to stop these from occurring!
