When life gets busy, one of the first things to go is family dinner. This is something that is truly a pandemic in young families. I’m convicted and super guilty of this, too! We can get so busy doing things that “matter” that we forfeit things that actually matter. I hear statements like this often.
“We think that Suzy really is succeeding in soccer, and this is the first time she’s really opening up and making friends. We don’t really have time in our schedule right now, but we are going to have to make it work.”
We find something of importance, such as Suzy making friends in soccer, and we forfeit things like family dinners to make it happen. I hate to be blunt, but Suzy can probably find other ways to open up and make friends. She doesn’t have to do it through soccer. What we can’t replace though is family dinner time and the undeniable benefits.
The research is all about this. It’s very clear how valuable family dinners are. It’s so valuable, that I would have to question anything that we are giving it up for. It’s made me really self-reflect this week, what trumps our family dinner time? Is that thing actually worth it?
Now, I’m not talking about every night. The research that I was reading was agreeing that family dinner is needed at minimum 4 nights a week. So, with 7 days in our week Mamas, we get 3 free passes. I think that is super attainable.
Are you ready to hear the rules to the family dinner game? Here they are!
Everybody must be present.
Having everyone together shows unity. If older sister isn’t there, then it’s not a family dinner. We are not together as a family. If Dad has to work late, that doesn’t count as a family dinner. Should you still eat together? Oh, absolutely! That 4 day a week minimum though includes everybody.
We are eating ONE meal.
Yes Mama, that means that you are not making a meal for the family and then making chicken nuggets for the kids that don’t eat it. Part of the family dinner comes an education for the littles on gratitude. A personal hack that I like to do is allow them to pick and choose how they eat the dinner that I prepared. For example, when I make tacos, Drake won’t eat it. What he chooses to eat then, is the chicken from the taco with ketchup on the side, and he eats the tortilla separate with melted cheese. That’s a compromise. There’s no separate meal being prepared, but he’s eating it in a way that he enjoys. Also please know, this dinner doesn’t have to be over the top. Please Mama, give yourself grace in knowing that sloppy joes, frozen pizza, or corndogs count as meals too sometimes.
No electronics allowed.
There is to be no TV on, no phones being used, and full attention is to be on each other. Family dinner time is a screen free zone.
I promise you that if you aim to abide by these family dinner rules 4 nights a week, you will see drastic improvements in your children and family. I bring this up often in my family coaching too because research supports that children who eat dinner with their family are more likely to understand, acknowledge, and follow the boundaries and expectations set by their parents. That’s just to name one benefit though. It’s so valuable, let’s go through some more.
- It’s a time to work together
Including your child in helping set the table and prepare the meal builds a sense of family oneness, responsibility, gratitude, and value. Including them may make the process go a little slower, but let us remember the point of the dinner. It’s not just to eat, but it’s to connect. - It’s a time for conversation
The articles I read this week showed that frequent family dinners have a positive impact on children’s values, motivation, personal identity, and self-esteem. This comes from being intentional about having frequent meaningful conversations. These types of conversations can be difficult to get in with our busy lives. Having time around the dinner table to do this is a great way to prioritize that they are happening. - It’s a time to pray
Getting into the habit of praying for the meal together begins to teach your children how to pray. They will want to be involved, they will hear your model, and they will be taught your attitude of thankfulness through the way you thank God for what He has given your family. - It’s a time to take care of our bodies
Family dinners have been linked to a lower risk of obesity, substance abuse, and eating disorders. I’ve been more label conscience since having to be gluten sensitive. When you actually look at how high in sugar and fat some of these foods are, it really does get you thinking! I do think there is a level of responsibility as Mama to provide your family healthy meals. - It’s a time to model relaxation
I know this sounds silly, but we need to teach our kids what relaxation looks like. Most of our kids think that relaxation is watching Youtube. I’m not saying that screen time isn’t relaxing, but we need to also teach them that there’s value and worth in relaxing around the dinner table. We have the opportunity to teach them conversation with the ones you love is uplifting to the soul, and worth the time invested. We are not doing it to fill our needed hungry bellies and to get back to “the good stuff.” We need to teach them that this really is the good stuff.
So what take priority over family dinner? After reading through the research this week, I’m committing to PRINT THIS FREEBIE and post it on my fridge as a reminder that what I’m doing (while sometimes mundane) is extremely important. Will you join me? If you are in, leave me a comment on this post so that we can do this together!
Also, a reminder that when you subscribed you received your Mama Planner. This planner includes a spot for you to plan your meals for the week. If you need another copy, reach out and CONTACT ME HERE, so that I can get that to you! If you haven’t subscribed yet, silly Mama, do that RIGHT HERE!
References
J. Lyttle and E. Baugh, The Importance of Family Dinners (FCS2286), Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences (Archived).
A. Paredes and K. Shelnutt, Raising Healthy Children: The Importance of Family Meals (FCS8925), Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences (06/2010).