In America today, social anxiety is the most common psychological disorder with an estimated prevalence between 5-12%. If you receive formal treatment for this, you could be given the diagnosis of SAD, or Social Anxiety Disorder. Some children and adults alike struggle with symptoms of social anxiety, but do not require a formal diagnosis.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy
When I began in my behavior analysis career, I was really zeroed in on treating challenging behavior. That is where all of my experience was. Once in grad school though, I was hooked on Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Now that I write this, I should do a whole post just summarizing what it is. The cliff notes version is that it’s a fairly new therapy (well, new in comparison to other therapies out there) that focuses on teaching YOU to be your own therapist. It teaches you that the problem is in your thinking, and if you can change the way you think about a situation, then you will ultimately be able to change your emotions and actions. I can totally geek out when it comes to CBT.
I mention it though, because it’s one of the leading therapies when it comes to treating social anxiety. Anxiety is in fact a wrong way of thinking, and if we can change our thinking patterns we will feel better. That of course is over-simplified though, and is much easier said than done. I like to explain that our thinking patterns, or the way we choose to process events, is a habit. It’s a way we do something. A certain way of thinking is a habit that can be broken, but since you do it so often, it’s going to be very difficult. What makes it even more difficult? There is typically no accountability because there is nobody seeing your negative thinking patterns.
The sad part of the story, is that most people that struggle with social anxiety never reach out for help. While the most prevalent of anxieties, it’s the least likely to be treated. It’s estimated as low as 38% of adults with SAD received therapy. It does make sense though. Getting treatment often involves an interpersonal interaction – which is ultimately what they are avoiding. For children, I haven’t found a statistic showing how often they receive help.
What to look for, Mama
Since it is something so prevalent, people often ask me what to look for in their children. I always encourage Mamas to follow their gut. I believe that you know your child best, and if you think something is off, it probably is something worth looking into. There is no harm in seeking help and it turn out to be nothing, rather than there be a concern that will just grow with time.
Some specific risk factors that make it more likely your child may struggle with social anxiety includes exposure to:
Abuse or trauma
Bullying
Academic difficulty, developmental delays, or physical impairments
Parental over-control and overprotection
Loss or death of a loved one
There are plenty of kids though that have amazing and fulfilling childhoods, who experience none of the above risk factors, and yet still experience social anxiety. I compiled 10 things that I would consider warning signs for Mamas to be on the look out for –
Consistently choose to stay with their parents over playing with their peers
Not sharing a similar interest as their peers to go to social events
Being overly shy with peers they know well
Wanting to know exactly what to expect
Fidgeting and distractibility when in public
Quick to have meltdowns over small problems
Takes rejection especially hard
Doesn’t welcome humor
Asks for reassurance often
Struggles with low self-esteem
There is hope!
As Mamas, we can change the trajectory of their future though, and get our child the help they need in order to address their social anxiety. This really can be the difference between something being just a phase and being diagnosed later in life with SAD. Getting help while they are young can truly rewrite their story. That can be the best gift you could give them. Getting help while they are young typically involves way less invasive treatment, and with a few consults you’ll be all set to address and conquer this thing!
I’M READY TO LEARN ABOUT HOW TO BE EVALUATED
It’s not your fault. If you are getting them help, I guarantee you are giving this Mama thing all you’ve got. I know you love your child. I know they feel that love from you. Have peace knowing there is great help out there, and that you are not the only one. There is no perfect Mama. There is no perfect kid. We all struggle, and by the grace of God – one day He will make us all new.
When I am feeling anxious, I sometimes like to reflect on John 14: 2-3 which tells us that God’s house has many rooms. He’s prepared a beautiful home in heaven for all of us who believe in Him. We all will arrive broken and with baggage, and Jesus will stand in our place and make us clean. Once in God’s house, there will be no more anxiety. Everyone will be set free, and we will shout together, “Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty.” Amen!
References
Grover, Rachel L., et al. “Childhood Predictors of Anxiety Symptoms: A Longitudinal Study.” Child Psychiatry and Human Development, vol. 36, no. 2, 2005, pp. 133–153., https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-005-3491-3.
Tobias, Margaret R., et al. “A Randomized Trial of Brief Online Interventions to Facilitate Treatment Seeking for Social Anxiety.” Behavior Modification, vol. 46, no. 5, 2021, pp. 1137–1166., https://doi.org/10.1177/01454455211040051.