Separation anxiety -

How To Help Your Child With Separation Anxiety: A Guide For Parents

I know first-hand how heavy separation anxiety can weigh on your Mama heart. It’s a difficult thing to experience. You desperately wish you could assure them you will come back, and avoid the water-works and anxiety they are experiencing. We know it will be okay, but it’s still hard to bear.

Separation anxiety is emotional!

It’s part of childhood development. They need for us to leave for them to learn we will always come back. It doesn’t make it any easier on our emotions though. We still have to work through this the hard way.

While separation anxiety can be a difficult experience for both parents and children. While it can cause anxiety for parents, rest assured there are ways to help! This guide offers step-by-step instructions on how to best support your child through the process of dealing with separation anxiety.

Recognize the signs of separation anxiety

It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of separation anxiety in your child. These can range from physical manifestations such as crying, clinging or refusal to leave a parent’s side, to emotional distress such as worry or fear about being away from home or family. Other signs may include difficulty sleeping or going potty away from home. It is important to remember that every child is different and you should consider what is normal for them specifically before diagnosing them with separation anxiety.

There is also “expected” separation anxiety that is a result of development, and separation anxiety that raises levels of awareness, where maybe some additional intervention is warranted. My major indicator for this is age. If your child approaches at 4 and still is struggling, I’d advise to be mindful and maybe start to take extra notice of the details. If they reach age 6 and you are still seeing signs of separation anxiety – there may be more going on. It’s always best to look into things as early as possible so that you can be preventative. The earlier you catch something, the easier it is to fix.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings and validate their emotions

Your child may feel the pressure of their emotions more than an adult. It is important to be understanding. Be an active listener rather than immediately assuring them that everything is okay. While we “know” everything is okay, their emotions have not caught up to our assurance. It can be belittling to them to not be heard and told something is not a big deal, when to them it is. You can avoid minimizing their feelings with comments such as, “It isn’t a big deal” or “There is nothing to be scared of.” Instead, acknowledge their emotions by saying something like, “I understand why you don’t want to leave. It must feel scary and I’m here for you.”

Explain why you’re leaving and provide reassurance when you go

Explain calmly to your child why you must leave, such as why you have to go to work. Let them know that you will be back soon (if they can understand time, provide them a time) and remind them of some fun activities that are planned for later. Reassuring your child through empathy helps allow them to process their feelings effectively. It’s also important follow through on these promises and return sooner rather than later as it helps build trust between parent and child.

I’d encourage you to use this opportunity to bring the Lord into the conversation. Teach then to pray when they are scared. Talk to them about how God is always with us. You can use this as an opportunity not only to provide comfort to your child yourself, but to build their faith, trust, and reliance on God at an early age.

Take slow steps to gradually build independence.

I should begin by sharing that you should never leave a child without telling them you are leaving! This is breaking trust, and will breed anxiety for your child. The “drop and go” method is an outdated practice, but still used at times today. When you sneak out, you are actually encouraging separation anxiety. You will be indirectly teaching your child that they need to be by you at all times to ensure you don’t leave them.

For separation anxiety, it’s important that you take a gradual approach towards encouraging independence. Start by leaving your child in the same room with someone they trust (either with a family member or friend) while you step out of the house for a few minutes. Increase this time frame as appropriate and when you have left the house, finish all errands before coming back to pick your child up.

Sure, a child will eventually stop crying. We shouldn’t be pushing the issue though too early on. If you jump to a longer time away the first few times you leave, this generally leads to more risk to develop separation anxiety; rather than if you worked up to longer duration away.

Connect before separating, and reconnect afterwards–time together is time well spent!

Time together before you separate is important as it can be a chance to reassure your child. A simple but effective way to do this is to give them a hug and tell them that you love them or play a game or read stories for a few minutes. After being separated, children need reassurance that you did come back just like you said you would. Having the opportunity to reconnect and spend intentional and meaningful time together afterward helps to restore trust in the relationship, making it easier for your child to cope with separation in the future.

Need some extra help?

Working on separation anxiety is one of the things I’m super passionate about working 1:1 with clients on! If you are interested in any extra support, I’m confident we can come up with a solid individualized plan with an MIINI CONSULT. Reserve your slot today!