We’ve all been there when our kid is having a blast. There are no behavior concerns. It’s been an amazing day. We are not celebrating though; we are bracing ourselves. We know the time has now come for us to say, “It’s time to go.” And we all know how this ends …
Transitions are difficult! We most often see difficulty within transitions that involve moving our child from a highly preferred activity to a less preferred (or even completely non-preferred) task. This is never fun. I mean, in their minds, what’s the point? I’m losing that thing I want anyway, so why be appropriate? Instead, I’ll scream, refuse, beg for more time, and keep it going for as long as I can to avoid the transition process.
There is hope! Transitions do not have been be dreaded. With transitions, I classify them into both short-term and long-term categories. With our young kiddos, we see most of their difficulty in the short-term transition. Yet, as our children age (and even us in adulthood) tend to struggle more with the long-term.
Short-Term Transitions
Some short-term transition examples include moving between play time and dinner. For a younger child, this transition could prove quite difficult. For an older child, it would look more like them moving between school to volleyball practice. A short-term transition is something that happens rather quickly. There’s not much time to contemplate it, and many of them happen within a day.
Long-term Transitions
A long-term transition is when there are more opportunities for them to contemplate, imagine, or think through what the change may bring. They are often made aware of the activity that is coming up prior to its occurrence. They may even hear it spoken about on multiple occasions before it actually occurs. An example for a younger child may include getting to attend a friend’s birthday party. They know that it’s coming up soon, but they are still required to wait as the planning process is worked through. For an older child, this may be moving into a new house or changing classrooms. Every school year they move to a new classroom and receive a new teacher is a long-term transition. These are things that provide them multiple opportunities to process the change that will be occurring.
It’s not a surprise why we see so many behaviors from both younger and older children alike when it comes to transitions, because let’s be honest – they are hard! Even as adults, we do not gravitate towards transition. Most of us actually try to avoid it if at all possible.
There are some great strategies that we can try that will help our kiddos along as they process both the short and long-term transitions that life inevitably will bring. There is hope!
Short-term Strategies
Reminders/Countdown
This is where you remind them (we are leaving in 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, etc) and work your way up to the transition that is coming their way. You can also set a timer and have them see how much time they have left. I’ve even started this at 30 minutes when I know my son will have an especially difficult time transitioning.
Schedule
Having a daily schedule is honestly one of the most effective strategies you could ever implement in your home. It has more benefits than I even have time to share. Please know that having a simple schedule of what your day holds will help when it’s time to transition. They already would have been shown the schedule and know there is something coming next. Hold tight because there’s a post all about how to schedule your days coming soon!
Incentives
Providing an incentive for a transition you know will be especially difficult for them is completely ok! You can read more HERE on why I believe this is helpful and most certainly not bribery! Read this very carefully though, Mamas …. you only have ONE SHOT at this! That is because if you use this strategy, you MUST do it proactively and make it a part of your initial request. Meaning, when you say it’s time to transition, you need to offer it initially. If you offer it after there is any sort of whine, talk-back, or tantrum – you will be reinforcing the misbehavior and not the successful transition. So, Mamas, make sure you say things such as, “I know you don’t want to leave. This has been fun. If you make a good choice and leave when its time, you can add 10 minutes to your screen time later today.” Then, be sure to hold to your guns, Mama. No giving in if you saw behaviors.
Long-term Strategies
What it will be like
So often, the mystery of something makes it so much less welcoming and more desiring to avoid. Last December, my husband and I attended a circus comedy show. Before the show, my spontaneous husband volunteered us to be apart of the show. I could have killed him! What were we going to have to do? There were a lot of people there! I sat through the show picking my nails and struggling to enjoy any part of it as I sat in absolute dread as to what I’d be asked to do on stage. If someone would have told me what to expect, I wouldn’t have been so nervous (it turned out not to be so bad) – and maybe I could have even enjoyed the show a bit. Yet, the mystery of it all, kept me in constant fear.
Trying it out
This is where you try the thing out as much as possible before it happens, so that you can know what the experience may be like. For colleges, they have opportunities for you to stay overnight on campus. Or, with sports teams, sometimes they have a trial period where you can go and just watch a practice before singing up. Any time you can try something out before having to commit, how much more comfortable are you? I mean, that is why we test drive cars. That is why we have apps where we can see what a piece of furniture might look like in a room. They are all optimizing on the Trying it Out strategy of making that transition a bit easier.
Asking Questions
Our kids may have questions, but they may not initiate conversation to ask them. However, when ask, “Do you have any questions” many of them will go into self-reflection mode. They may bring up questions they had, but didn’t know how to ask. They also may bring up questions that they just came up with, and that they didn’t even know they had. Providing a safe and intentional communication opportunity for them to ask questions before a long-term transition is an extremely helpful part of the transition process. If you do not know an answer, tell them that you both can find out the answer together. This is teaching inquiry as a skill, rather than a burden.
Be sure to print these off and keep them handy this week! For being my Mama friend, these are yours free! If you haven’t already – head to the FREEBIES tab where you will find more like these.
Need some help?
As always, I’d love to be your professional Mama friend who steps in and helps you if you need some extra assistance. Whether it be a short-term set of questions or a long-term therapeutic relationship – jump over to the PARENT CONSULTING tab and reach out today!
Do you know another Mama friend who would enjoy these updates? Sharing is caring! Send them the link on the platform you prefer below!
References:
Dooley, Pamela, et al. “Using an Activity Schedule to Smooth School Transitions.” Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, vol. 3, no. 1, 2001, pp. 57–61., https://doi.org/10.1177/109830070100300108.
Hine, Jeffrey F., et al. “Decreasing Transition Times in Elementary School Classrooms: Using Computer-Assisted Instruction to Automate Intervention Components.” Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, vol. 48, no. 3, 2015, pp. 495–510., https://doi.org/10.1002/jaba.233.