Wanting to Change

Changing bad habits require a few steps that are private before anything public happens. Let me explain. There first needs to be a want to change. If the person doesn’t want to change the bad habit, I think we can agree there is definitely no way it’s going to occur. I mean, bad habits are difficult enough for us to break when we want them to change. It should come to no surprise that without the will power and motivation, we will see no effects. The next private event that needs to occur is to know the why. We’ve established breaking bad habits will be a tedious journey. Let’s be real, we never do anything tedious unless our “why” outweighs our effort. So, we must have a why, and it must have enough weight to overcome the inevitable obstacles.

Let’s bring this back to our kiddos. There are plenty of bad habits that we want to help them change, as we should. That’s our job. Yet, isn’t it the truth that when we go to correction mode, we find ourselves in a power struggle and in endless fights? We often walk away feeling like the bad guy. We find ourselves feeling emotions of defeat and discouragement.

Now I’m going to have you stop and think of a bad habit you are trying to break in one of your children. The one that really drives you nuts. The one that you are reading this post for. If you have older kids, is it the cussing? If you have tweens, is it the constant checking of their phone? If you have young kids, is it saying, “no” before even processing what you asked them to do? What is that bad habit that you have in your mind? Wondering if what you are thinking of is truly a bad habit? Check out my previous post and freebie!

Now that you have THE thing in your mind. I’m going to ask you to put it aside.

If you have been in correction mode about this bad habit, and you are seeing no results, I can guess that they either do not want to change, they do not understand the “why” – or both. So, let’s start there. Let’s re-examine why our words are falling on deaf ears. The answer lies in their private thoughts. The only way to know that answer is to get to their heart. That occurs through conversation.

The Word of God tells us that everything that we do comes from the overflowing of our hearts. That’s why He tells us to be diligent in guarding them (Proverbs 4:23) Are you ready for a big statement? What we think of as non-compliance, refusal, and purposeful acts of disobedience in our kids could really just be misunderstanding, lack of knowledge, and miscommunication. If you are struggling to change a bad habit in your child’s life today, I’d encourage you to ask them some questions.

Why do you think I ask you not to do that?
Is there a way that I can help you remember not to do that anymore?
Why do you think it’s important not to do that anymore?

If it’s really that important to change, then it’s important enough to have a conversation about it. If it’s important enough to change, it’s important enough for you to have solid answers to these questions yourself.

Habits can be broken. Our children need us to help them. Let’s not skip conversation though. Let’s have the rich conversations, because that will lead to lavish results.