I give you permission to worry. Wait, what? I’m sure you’re confused. My job is to equip you to stop worrying, right? Well, yes. Sometimes the key to stop worrying though, is allowing yourself to worry. Let me explain.
Worry is not a good thing. I’m not here to promote it. The bible confirms that we have nothing to worry about. We see that here in one of my favorite passages in Matthew.
Even though we have no reason to worry (as the Bible clearly shares) we still ultimately do it. We are fallen Mamas with a worry problem. What typically happens is we tell ourselves to “just stop.” We know intellectually we shouldn’t do it, we know deep down its not helpful, but it’s almost addictive. We just can’t stop!
It’s a bad habit. Worrying is a way to process your thoughts, but it’s doing so in an unhealthy way. You’ve done this so many times though, it’s just like biting your nails or saying “um”, you do it without even realizing it anymore. When something is on the habit-level, it’s something that is very difficult to break. We need a strategy if we are going to combat it.
The worry jar
Don’t you worry, Mama. I got you! Let me introduce you to my favorite worry-stopping strategy: the worry jar! The key here is to allow yourself to worry, but to limit the duration of time you engage in it. Here is how it works. You give yourself a time frame before you begin. The time doesn’t matter, what really matters is that you stick to whatever time you set. I personally like to pick a number of songs (1, 2, or 3 songs … depending on how BIG the thing is I’m worried about) I then hit play (or hit your timer) and allow yourself to worry. Yes Mama, let it all out!
Now is your time. As your worries begin to flow, start writing them in on the worry jar worksheet. Fill that puppy up. Here’s the catch. When your song is finished or that timer is up, it’s then time to visually put that cap back on the mason jar. You are done. Your worrying needs to stop. Leave that worry jar behind.
Containing your worry
When you seal that jar up, you know that your worries are kept away. You packaged them and sealed the jar closed. You cannot access them any longer. When a worry then pops into your mind (which let me tell ya, Mama, they will) you then tell yourself that jar is closed. Do not allow yourself to focus on that worry any longer.
In order to do this thing right, you’ll need to be prepared. I recommend a script you memorize and tell yourself. It can go something like this …
“I will worry about that later”
Do not tell yourself that you will never think of that worry again. That will lead to anxiety. That will cause you to grasp for it even more. Instead, tell yourself you will not think about that worry right now. You can think of it later, after the jar is reopened once again.
Opening your jar
How often you open your worry jar back up depends on the intensity and frequency of your worry. I would encourage you to do this exercise a minimum of once a week, and a maximum of 3 times a day. Once again, it doesn’t really matter how often you engage in the exercise or how long your worry time is nearly as much as how disciplined you are at the follow through. I’d much rather you do this 3 times a day and truly not allow yourself to focus on your worries in between, rather than “breaking” the exercise (allowing yourself to worry outside worry jar time) and doing it only once a week.
You are training your mind to not carry your worries along with you. When you are a constant worrier, you are taking up brain space. You will be forgetful, absent-minded, pre-occupied, and ultimately ineffective. There’s no space for anything else. You have become a pack rat of worry.
This download is for you. Print this out and use it to write your worries down. Or you can even get an actual mason jar and write your worries on paper. Both ways work! Just make sure you are writing them down, and not just thinking about them. Trust me, writing is part of the process!
I think we all know this, but our worrying does nothing. It’s not helpful, but only harmful. Hence, our Lord tells us not to do it any longer. Open up your worry jar, let it all out, and seal that thing back up, Mama! For our sinful selves, we sometimes have to just get it out. We don’t have to stay in our worried state, though. God has more!
What I’m reading
I’m currently reading “The Catastrophic Worrier: Why you worry & how to stop” by Graham Davey. This has been an excellent resource, and I’d recommend you pick up a copy if you struggle with worrying. It’s not written from a Christian perspective, sadly we don’t have many resources that combine both evidence-based practices with biblical truth, but it’s still a great book.
Did I mention I’m writing a book?
Yes, God called me to close the gap and give you Mamas a book that combines evdience-based principles WITH biblical solutions. For now, I’ll tell you it comes out on Mother’s Day. More on that to come in the weeks ahead!
In the mean time, I’d also be happy to chat with you further if this is something you struggle with. Next week we will be diving into how our worry effects our children, so you won’t want to miss it!
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